Yesterday, I heard a voice.

It whispered gently from deep within my bones.

It came in my sleep & soaked through my flesh.

It was soft & undeniable.

Familiar & unrecognizable.

I followed it long.

It led me through a battlefield, past the ravages of time, to my home & into the presence of my own soul.

Only later did I realize it was me,

Only more.

I have found a comfortable place to stand & wait,

Even while waiting leaves me dull.

But I have lost my bearings.

The street signs are all faded,

Some are missing.

All I have in my pocket is an old map & a temperamental compass.

And all I know is that I cannot stay here in this place that smells so familiar & feels like home.

I must turn my feet in a direction & move,

Forward.

Until I can go no farther.

Today I am a literary character, sitting on a numbered page.

I am not the heroine, the villain or even a plot setter.

I am only a simple character on one overlooked page.

But it is my page.

It is the place where I live.

This paper binds my life.

These words coax, change & teach me.

Few people will notice my small page.

Less will be moved by my solitary character.

Truthfully, few need be.

Dance with me.

Dance with me while we are both still young enough to be seduced by the music.

It’s tragic to think that someday life will take all of this from us.

So tonight we should dance.

While the moon is high & the world sleeps.

Promise me we will dance

That we will forget time & the ache in our feet.

Promise me we will dance until dawn.

Until the end of this long day.

Have you ever had one of those mornings when everything that could go wrong does? And your left to wonder, “why did I even bother to get out of bed”?

You over sleep, spill coffee on your jacket, have a fat day, arrive late for work, & then embarrass yourself in front of a cute colleague. All before noon. Welcome to my day!

I hate these mornings because they ruin my whole day. I spend the rest of my time using all my energy trying to climb out of my funk. And in my line of work moody doesn’t play. I need to be welcoming & friendly all day, every day. Well, today it just ain’t gonna happen. I don’t have the strength to fake it.

I know I should make the effort because negative energy just attracts more negative energy (& vise versa). I know that goes against physics, but such is life. The snowball, if not stopped at the beginning can evolve into an avalanche. I know in my mind that if I force myself to smile, eventually I’ll really be smiling. Change your mind, change your mood. I know this. I know that if I make the effort to be positive that my day will improve, or at least my perception of my day will improve. But I just don’t have the necessary initial investment. The negativity is too strong & I’m too tired to fight it. All I can hope is I don’t pass it along to anyone else, because it is highly contagious.

So, I am wishing my life away, as I pray for the end of this miserable day with all its spilled coffee & embarrassing moments.

Days like today really shouldn’t be written down for prosperity, they should be forgotten. But as I said, I’m simply not strong enough today. So I’ll write it down & wallow in it for a while. Until I can go home, pull the covers over my head & forget any of it ever happened.

Why is not a word,

It’s a burden.

A nightmare I just can’t shake in the daylight.

Why comes uninvited & interrupts my life.

It will not stop nagging.

Will not leave peacefully.

Why demands to be driven out by an answer.

An answer heavier & more demanding then the original question.